i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
