BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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