Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
