I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
