i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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