If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We talked him into tasing himself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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