First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
