Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The air taste purple.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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