Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
