It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
