Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
