I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
