did i walk over a car last night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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