her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have post one night stand depression
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
