Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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