The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
