His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
