i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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