Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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