U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
