I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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