I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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