oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What a dumb baby whore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
