The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a hot homeless man
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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