hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
