I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
