i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
