This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
