party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
