i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
