Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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