Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
