Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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