All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
