So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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