Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
