you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
