You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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