His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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