Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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