are you so shy because you have an std?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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