I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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