dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
