can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
