Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
