Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
