my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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