need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
