Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
