we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please come you make the beer taste better
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
