You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
