He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
