96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
