Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
