I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When did angry sex become our thing?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
