I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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