u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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