got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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