The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
