if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
