if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want a musical about memes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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