you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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