I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
