I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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