I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
